Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
