I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
