Moan for me like Helen Keller
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
