Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
