while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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