u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
