hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
