STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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