Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
