i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh god it's open bar.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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