Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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