Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
