My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
