So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
