i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
