Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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