Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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