ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
