Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
