found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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