ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
