i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i think i just lost a toe
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
