in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
