I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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