Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
