we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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