She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
