I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
