Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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