never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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