Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
