32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
