Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
