my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
