My underwear smells like fireworks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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