life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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