i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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