i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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