She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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