I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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