I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
