So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
