I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
