just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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