It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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