she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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