sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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