If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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