i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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