Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
