his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
