I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he had hair everywhere except his balls
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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