Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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