Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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